sunnuntai 30. joulukuuta 2012

time's up, we've come to the end of year

akeboshi - wind (instrumental)

time passes quickly, and this is propably going to be my last post in here this year. i'm feeling a little confused; such a lot of things have happened, and nothing at the same time. lately i've been feeling a little empty. empty of feelings, empty of words, like a marionette in someone other's hands. for me it's natural to think terribly much, even too much, but from time to time i just become like a zombie.
sometimes, it's good for me.
this year has included a lot of tears and fear, a lot of self hate and desperate moments. but as well as that, it also presented me many smiles and laughs, sense of succeding things working out, sooner or later; good times with friends to whom my heart filled with love and care. it's such a great treasure to have people like that and i couldn't be more grateful than this.
without them, i'd have nothing.

but as much as i wanted to stop the time at some moments, it can't happen. some things last and some don't, making room to new ones. it is how life is supposed to be, and it is how it goes. luckily i can hold on to my friends, there's no need to give up them, but even so there's still always something that doesn't stay.

sometimes we all just have to move on. we'll maybe cry a little bit and then open our eyes to something we hadn't been able to see or imagine, not even in our freakiest dreams. i once saw a funny pic in the internet, i said something like "nothing lasts forever. so if things are going well, enjoy it. and if the aren't, don't worry - it's soon over anyway." as i told you it just had the purpose to make you laugh but i think there is a touch of truth, after all.
nothing lasts forever indeed. and in a reality like that it can sometimes be good for you to make some goals. concrete or not, it doesn't matter. and neither does it matter if you succes or not. it's the journey that matters, they say.

so next year,

next year i am going to free myself. because it isn't always the world that's got something wrong but the way you look to it. it maybe isn't necessary to do things differently, just to change your thinking a bit - and in fact, it can be a challenge far more difficult than just getting up and doing things concretely. all the same, next year i promise i will try and open my eyes for something new.

what happens then, i have no idea.

- varis

keskiviikko 26. joulukuuta 2012

happy holidays!

i have had a lot of things happening around me as well as i've been a part of those thinngs. so that's the reason for the lack of looks. hopefully, you'll get to see much more this and the following week since i'm on holiday! yayyy!

and our family moved in a new place in helsinki just a few days before christmas. it's super wonderful here!

now i gotta head to the bed. see you later and happy holidays everyone!

- varis

sunnuntai 9. joulukuuta 2012


i don't know any spanish, but look what a big nasty, no, delicious thingy i ate today! that was my reason for such a happy word as hola. yum! <3

view (aaaand hype) on lookbook!

and oh, a new look as well. i love this new cardigan i found from emmaus thrift store! it was 2,5€ so i could afford it.

- varis

keskiviikko 5. joulukuuta 2012

we've really got a winter

the wind keeps pushing and pushing me forward, to join the delicate dance of snowflakes. i let myself go; there's nothing else i can do. having a whole new perspective, everything looks so strange now, as if i wasn't really me. i lost the comprehension of what is going on.

luckily there are things stronger than the devils inside me.

pictures: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

find it on lookbook

taylor swift - last christmas

it's getting colder still, but it's the snow cover that lightens our december a bit. i'm trying to reach the christmas feeling as hard as i can. there has been some grim days, but the new period at school makes me feel more free - when we're talking about school, it's like i had finally learned to breath again. the courses i have are few and easy; probability calculus in math, the fift course of swedish, visual arts concentrating on 3d working, and last but not least, a p.e. course aiming to take part our "wanhojen tanssit" event. it's pretty much the only more or less official school dance in finland! the name meaning is "the dance of the old" after the fact that in the spring we, the second year students, will (in principle) be the oldest students of school as the third year students leave to study for their final exams. how excited i am now! i'm still working on finding my perfect dress though.

anyway, these pictures are from last sunday when i saw my best friend. i first thought there would be no reason to post them on lookbook since you've seen the sweater and you're going to see better pictures from these brand new pants. eventually, however, i ended up with such a happy feeling with these i couldn't resist it. so here you go!

- varis

lauantai 1. joulukuuta 2012

snowflakes falling, candles lighting

a new lookie: click click!

krezip - i would stay (instrumental)

as it can be seen, we've got some snow. how wonderful! now i've become able to start preparing for christmas properly. i just don't feel like december yet, at all.

- varis

maanantai 19. marraskuuta 2012

hope for tomorrow

yiruma - river flows in you

second picture: we♥

today really didn't seem to be my day. i haven't been feeling well with myself (too big, too ugly, too fat, you know, it's always the same story) and my ballet lesson went super bad. in a natural products shop the cashier suggested me to buy some special chocolate. "it would be a great product to you", she told me. "as a taste that rich you won't have the need to eat the whole bar!" then i wennt to a supermarket, accidentally dropped a glass pot which got broken, and even if i went and told the staff immidiately, everybody had a sore look in they're eyes as thay were staring at me. now seriously, am i the only one to ever break anything?! aaaand after a weekend of schoolwork, there's still enough left to keep me busy all the time. the smaller maths test is tomorrow and i haven't read at all. on the other hand, i do know those things better than my own pockets.

and i'm starting to have the exam-week-is-over-feeling. if it only were instead of beginning next friday.

aaaaaaaoorgggh. it's good to live in hope tomorrow will be better.

- varis

perjantai 16. marraskuuta 2012

it's getting dark and cold inside me

find it on lookbook (it's getting so dark it's almost impossible to take pictures outside which i truly dislike.)

i'm losing my mind. i have such a lot of school work to do; essay about a book, essay about media, written work of geography, movie review in english, math sample test and 5-page-short story. even better, i have my exam week beginning in next friday. and better still, i haven't been feeling well with myself. yay.

but there's a reason to smile: today i found a shirt thrown to the far end of my closet. it was like two months ago or something when my mom dropped by at my room asking if i would want it. 'it doesn't fit me anymore,' she said.
i kept and kept considering. 'nah..' i mumbled slowly, still uncertain.
'okay, i just wanted to ask 'cause, you know, i was going to recycle it anyway.'
'...............give it to me!'

xd that's just so.. me. but today i realized i had completely forgotten it until now. i was a little scared to take a look at it - was it all that nice, really? - but what i found was a wonderful surprise. i liked it so much more than i remembered i did then. and i love to make something that isn't needed anymore to be in use again, as well as getting a piece of clothing i like without having to have a bad conscience for buying it.

- varis

ps. i'm sorry for having a lack of english words today - i just can't get those in my mind so it's pretty hard to write...

tiistai 13. marraskuuta 2012


just a quick post with my newest look. i've been very busy with school lately!

find it on lookbook

in last month i exceeded myself by buying jeans. JEANS, me? i hardly ever wear pants since they only get my tights look even bigger uglier. but from now on, i guess i will.

- varis

tiistai 30. lokakuuta 2012

i was looking for a breath of life

florence and the machine - breath of life

and then, all suddenly, she wandered through the darkness. as dark as it was, her flowing frock seemed to glow its innocent whiteness making a violent contrast to the surroundings. her skin was as pale as a ghost. her steps made no voice although the land was filled with wizened leafs and decaying plants. between her shoulder blades she had a pair of wings, not bird-like ones but a butterfly's, but she looked like no fairy. she had hidden her face behind a grim mask so one couldn't be able to tell who she was. neither would it have been apparent to you where she came from or what for; or even, if she was alive.

so wrote i for my spookbook '12 outfit, in here.

due to my lack of time and the fact i should be sleeping already (i'll curse myself in the morning!) i won't write anything more interesting today either. some other day, let's see. i hate high school. i hate having to be good and social and observant at every single second of my every single day. (tomorrow i'm going to be in school from 8.30 am to 16.00, at which time i have to leave for my ballet class! yippee..)
no, to be honest, i even don't have too much school. it's just kinda much to me at the moment.

- varis

sunnuntai 28. lokakuuta 2012

the beginning

look from 26.10.2012.

i've never been good with beginnings, oh i wish i knew what should i say! but while i'm thinking, here is my first look presented in this blog. you're gonna see so much more of those! but now i have to head off to my anchor printed pillow and extra thick blanket, have a moment thinking happy thoughts and hope they'll carry me through a night with happy dreams.

good night, sleep tight! see you later! <3

- varislapsi